It seems that a growing number of people who’ve had their iPhones stolen are using an app that tells them where the phone is, and, horrors! going to retrieve them themselves. Instead of calling the Authorities, which is the proper thing to do, so that they can ignore you.
The New York Times is apparently concerned about this trend, as it seems to indicate a troubling tendency to self-sufficiency and initiative among the proles:
“This is a new phenomenon — it’s not simply running after the person to grab the phone,” said George Gascón, the San Francisco district attorney and a former police chief. “It opens up the opportunity for people to take the law into their own hands, and they can get themselves into really deep water if they go to a location where they shouldn’t go.”
Yeah, well we can’t have people Taking The Law Into Their Own Hands, now can we? It might result in violence, which only the police are allowed to inflict on us. The Times, genteely fanning itself to prevent a fainting spell, is quite rightly horrified at the idea:
And although pursuing a thief can occasionally end in triumph, it can also lead to violence, particularly because some people arm themselves — hammers are popular — while hunting for their stolen phones.
This is just too much for a civilized newspaper to bear.
Even the Times, though, has to admit that calling the police probably won’t get you your phone back:
Still, although police departments have devoted more resources to combating smartphone theft, most cannot chase every stolen device right away, especially if the phone was left idly on a bar rather than seized in an armed robbery.
So, remember. You’re a sheep. You don’t have a right get your property back, unless the Authorities condescend to retrieve it for you. Now go back to sleep.